SIGNS FROM THE UNIVERSE
Thar' Be Pirates, A Shout-Out To Caregivers, Gift Ideas, From Bugs to Love
Hiya Friends,
Hope everyone had a restful and joyful November 23rd. Let’s just say mine didn’t get off to the greatest start. If only I hadn’t ignored the signs.
THAR’ BE PIRATES
Around 1pm on Wednesday, as we loaded the entire Thanksgiving meal, our bags, and Noodle into the car in Los Angeles, a big rig lost control on the Grapevine (I-5), and spilled metal pipes all over the road. And since that highway was the fastest route to our destination—my mom’s place in the Bay Area—Jared prepared to abort mission.
I stood by the car door, processing the news, and spotted black specs all over my yellow blazer. Closer inspection revealed that the dots were . . . BUGS—a tiny biting variety that, after some frantic Googling, I identified as Pirate Bugs. 🏴☠️ ARGH! I shook the blazer like it was on fire, which only attracted more PIRATE BUGS. That band of scallywags stormed my jacket like it was covered in doubloons. Suffice it to say, these two events sent me into a HYSTERICAL TIZZ.
I raced to the backyard and threw the infested blazer on a chair for the bugs to devour. Next, I urged Jared to find another route because damn it, we had to get our asses on the road. I clearly wasn’t thinking straight, but I’d committed to this plan, and I wasn’t going to let a 24-mile pile-up derail it.
According to Jared, there were no alternate routes, or rather, the other road to the Bay Area, the 101, takes twice as long to traverse. Either way, we were in for a long journey. Alas, we sat in the I-5 traffic jam for FOUR hours, barely moving. The sun beat down on the car and sucked all the moisture from our bodies. We gulped down every last drop of water we had and, with no exits in sight for miles, we couldn’t let the dog or ourselves out for a pee. Every now and again, I’d feel a pinch on my skin and find an errant pirate bug, punishing me for putting us through this hell. Jared banged the steering wheel in frustration and shot me accusatory looks nonstop. I threw my hands in the air and said, “It’s not like I was driving the big rig.”
MINI MICHAEL CLAYTON
In retrospect, I’m willing to admit that I made a bad judgment call. Perhaps the freeway closure and bugs were signs from the universe to hold a beat and depart the next morning. But I didn’t want to let my mom down.
Letting people down is my #1 fear, and I will do anything to avoid it, usually to my own detriment. This classic codependent tendency likely stems from my childhood, when I assumed the role of Michael Clayton in my family. If I sensed a problem, I tried to fix it. Granted, my fixes were pretty pedestrian maneuvers, like untangling the phone cord, or organizing Ma’s jewelry box, but it beat wringing my tiny hands.
Anyhoo, by driving directly into that pile-up, our road trip to Ma’s house took ten hours instead of five. I guess the good news is, we’re still married.
A SHOUT-OUT TO THE CAREGIVERS
“Sometimes people appear in your life unexpectedly like a gift from the Universe. You didn’t even know you needed them, or that you had called out silently to them. They appear when you needed them most, to lift you, educate you, wake you up, or shine a light on your path. “ - Riitta Klint.
The iCal reminder on my phone says, “Call Jeanette.”
In a previous post, I mentioned that I volunteer to make phone calls to an isolated older adult through the nonprofit, L.A Works. My first phone pal, Mary— a lovely woman with a gravely voice and spirited cackle, passed away around this time last year. Soon after, the organization paired me with a new phone pal named Jeanette.
During our first call, Jeanette’s daughter/caretaker, Kay explained that her mom had many serious health issues, as well as hearing loss and memory loss. She said Jeanette wouldn’t remember me from week to week, but Kay hoped the calls would lift her mom’s spirits.
From the start, Kay put the phone on speaker and asked me to quiz Jeanette on geography. I’d toss out a city, and Jeanette would name the corresponding state. The idea was to help stimulate her memory. Jeanette, a big sport’s fan, often aced the quiz, and Kay rewarded her with pudding to increase her caloric intake. We kept our conversations light, and talked about the moon, the wind, Noodle, or what we had for dinner.
As time went on, Jeanette would end our calls with affection, saying things like, “Love you, dear.” I learned a lot about Kay during these calls too, how she’d quit her job in another city and moved in with Jeanette to be her full-time caregiver. Later, as Jeanette’s health worsened, Kay brought in another caretaker to relieve her of a shift here and there. To help manage the serious mental and physical toll of caring for a loved one, Kay completed an online course in self-care and had started meditating. I marveled at her remarkable strength, resilience, and upbeat attitude, especially because when I’d attempted caretaking for a short stint, I was a mess.
After my mother-in-law underwent brain surgery in 2019, she stayed with us for five months while she convalesced. Jared and I tag-teamed her care with the help of his brother and sister-in-law, and the experience turned us all into beaten shells of ourselves—my mother-in-law included. Fortunately, my MIL regained her strength and lives independently now. The future, however, is uncertain. For me and Jared, and so many of our friends, ergo, people in this stage of mid-life, the job of caretaking and financial support for an infirm parent rests on our shoulders.
According to a study conducted by CVS and The Harris Poll National Health Project, 13% of respondents who were caregivers quit their job to care for a loved one. Most of those folks were Gen X and older millennials.
If you’ve taken on this role for a loved one, I see you and I salute you. You’re a kind-hearted soul and you deserve spa days, sundaes, puppy cuddles, and whatever else brings you joy. If you know someone caring for a loved one, give them a call to check in, send some cookies, or offer to cover a shift to give them a little time off. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated hearing from friends when we were struggling to manage Jared’s mom’s care.
Sadly, last Friday, Kay let me know that Jeanette had passed away. Seeing the iCal reminder today made me a little verklempt. I’ll miss Jeanette’s sweet disposition and our weekly calls. Kay said she wanted to stay in touch, so yesterday, I sent a text letting her know I’m keeping her and Jeanette in my thoughts. We’ve never met in person and I don’t know much about Kay’s personal life, but I really hope she has people lifting her up now and supporting her the way she looked out for her mom.
HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE
Did you know that Gen Z suffers from “phone phobia”? And not surprisingly, their generation experiences loneliness in greater numbers than previous generations.
*sigh* Does this ⬆️ mean that these young folks don’t call their grandparents on the phone? God, I hope not. That would be too sad. I loved talking to my grandparents and great aunts and uncles on the phone. This could be why I’ve enjoyed my volunteer calls so much and also why these losses stir up grief for me.
All this to say, if you have a young person in your life, please help them make friends with the phone. Don’t let the art of conversation go the way of landlines and restaurant menus. If I have to scan one more QR code, so help me!
STUFF I ❤️ THAT MIGHT MAKE A GOOD HOLIDAY GIFT
If you’re like me, or style guru, Stacy London, you might be tired of accumulating stuff and seek a more streamlined existence. With that in mind, I’ve put together a short list of things I love that might bring a little cheer to the folks on your holiday list, and keep clutter to a minimum. These aren’t affiliate links and I won’t receive any kickback if you click on anything. I’m just here to help.
As some of you know, I quit caffeine earlier this year to try to vanquish my night sweats and hot flashes. I’m happy to report that it seems to have really helped. To replace my morning cup of English Breakfast tea, I sampled a few mushroom teas/coffee alternatives that promise scads of health benefits (see graphic above). The stand-out (probably because it contains cocoa, which contains a little caffeine) is called Joe’y. It tastes a bit like unsweetened Mexican hot chocolate and definitely get all my synapses firing in the AM. At $20 for 18 servings and $48 for 60 servings, it’s not cheap and therefore, could make a great gift. I know I’d be psyched to find this in my stocking.
For the reader in your life, I highly recommend Will Dowd’s beautiful essay collection about New England weather called, Areas of Fog. Dowd is the Stacker behind
, where he writes about the full moon, historical figures, science, literature, and more. His writing is a joy to read and this book is an absolute delight. $13.95 via Bookshop.org.
Whenever I receive a compliment on my eyeglasses, I love to tell people that they were designed by my hero, the 102-year-old fashion icon, Iris Apfel for the eyewear company Zenni. Believe it or not, these adorable frames are quite affordable. The third pair on the right in the screenshot above is just $15! Of course eyeglasses are a very personal choice and, like dating, require the wearer to try on several pairs before committing. I recommend giving your loved one a Zenni gift card, which you can purchase here.
The other day, I realized that nearly all of my socks were riddled with holes. Only two pairs managed to keep it together and survive the treacherous terrain I must travel in my stockinged feet. Those two pairs were manufactured by the same company; Kind Socks—a Black-owned, sustainable business that donates a portion of its proceeds to environmental and social justice causes. These make a great stocking (*snort*) stuffer and won't break the bank.
FROM BUGS TO LOVE
In case you’re wondering, the pirate bugs did not devour my yellow blazer. It was still fully intact on the patio chair upon our return and the pirate bugs had abandoned ship. Phew! Honestly that experience was so weird, there’s no doubt in my mind that it was a sign.
I know it may sound out-there to some, but I believe there are occurrences in life that defy logic and feel otherworldly. It could be a hummingbird appearing outside your window after the loss of a loved one. Or pirate bugs on your jacket. Or maybe, everywhere you look, you keep spotting angel numbers — a repeating number sequence like 1111 or 333. Or have you ever thought about a friend and suddenly, your phone lights up with a message from that person? Call it coincidence if you like. For those of you who are open to the woo-woo, after I finished my cup of Joe’y yesterday, look what I spotted at the bottom of my cup ⬇️.
Message of love received. Thanks, Universe!
Okay. That’s a wrap for this week. If you enjoyed any of my musings, hit the ❤️ button or leave a comment. I love hearing from you.
I have marveled over the last few decades at the increased anxiety around phone calls--for me and for the younger folks. I'm not sure my nephews understand the phone at all. They certainly don't seem to get that it's a way to actually converse over distance--they never quite seem to know what to do with it.
I never used to be phone phobic, and I'm still not sure I am, but I definitely avoid it a lot more than I used to, unless I'm calling a friend or relative. I keep wondering how that happened, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm not at all sure it's a good thing.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your phone friend. That is hard.
I love how effortlessly you tell your story and how easy it is to visualize. The pirate bugs creeped me out the most! And I have been in those kinds of traffic jams (only in California during the holidays). HORRIBLE!!!! I hope your Thanksgiving ended up better than it started.