COPING STRATEGIES 101
Hummingbird TV, The Friendship Line, Ogling Iris Apfel's Stuff, Binging Funny Woman, and My Midnight Art Lesson
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Hiya Friends,
I don’t know about you, but I was not sad to see the backside of January. Worst. Month. Ever.
Thankfully, here in Los Angeles at least, February is off to a slightly better start. Just take a look at what’s happening on my balcony ⬇️!
YES! Believe your eyes! A beautiful hummingbird built the teeniest tiniest nest in one of our wisteria vines. I’ve got a front row seat to this adorable scene and it’s truly the gift that keeps on giving. Mama bird is in there right now keeping the eggs warm as I type. 😍
As some of you know, I set up a motion-sensitive camera in the backyard to clock the critters that stop by the fountain for a sip. In the clip below, you’ll see a precious baby possum poking around.
Well, the other day we relocated the critter cam to the balcony in the hopes of capturing footage of baby birds popping their heads out of the nest. What this means is, our regular critter cam programming has been temporarily paused for a special presentation of “Chick Cam!” Stay tuned!
COMBATTING LONELINESS ONE CALL AT A TIME
Obviously, all I want to do these days is spy on the hummingbird nest and deliver a steady of stream of dopamine to my prefrontal cortex. I mean, can you blame me? I just keep repeating what Ezra Klein said the other day—something to the tune of “The projection of power masks the reality of weakness.” I’m clinging to those words and hoping that some heroes swoop in to wrest the keys to the kingdom away from this band of super villains. Until then, I’m focusing my energy on supporting/defending marginalized members of society and promoting kindness. That’s what led me to sign up as a volunteer for The California Friendship Line — an emotional-support phone line that connects older adults with compassionate listeners and conversationalists.
THE WORLD’S BIGGEST MENSCH—DR. PATRICK ARBORE
The Friendship Line was founded in 1973 by perhaps the world’s biggest mensch—a therapist named Dr. Patrick Arbore. Born in 1947, Arbore grew up in Latrobe, Pennsylvania with three brothers. In his teens, he ran away from home to escape his father who was an abusive drunkard. Patrick said he’d been gone for an entire year before his father even noticed. Some folks might’ve turned to vice to deal with that kind of trauma. Not Arbore. He told friends that his troubled childhood made him more sensitive to the pain of others and nurtured his desire to help people.
Post-high school, Arbore traveled to San Francisco with his theater troupe and took such a shine to The City By The Bay (as one does), he never left. Once he’d earned his Doctorate in educational psychology from the University of SF, he began work as a therapist. Determined to counsel anyone in need, Arbore offered a sliding-scale rate for treatment. “Pay what you can and what you think it’s worth,” he’d tell his clients.
Through his work, Arbore took notice of serious issues that afflicted older adults such as isolation, grief, and suicidal ideation. It really hit home when he discovered the body of an older man who’d died by suicide.
That experience inspired Arbore to set up The Friendship Line, a “warm line” that operates 24/7 and has never gone unanswered in 52 years. Now a signature program of the Institute on Aging and accredited by the American Association of Suicidology, The Friendship lines fields over 11,000 calls a month.
11,000 calls a month!! That’s just for a California phone line. But loneliness isn’t just a national epidemic, it’s global. This past week, I came across a couple of stories about the ways in which older adults are coping with loneliness around the globe. In Japan, some older women commit petty crimes to secure a spot in a women’s prison that takes care of all their needs. Thanks to
for sharing that link.Meanwhile, older adults estranged from their kin have joined a Facebook Group called Surrogate Grandparents USA with over 11,000 members. (Yes, it’s odd that 11,000 is a repeated number in this post. Go figure.) In the Facebook Group, members post messages in the hopes of forming intergenerational bonds with found family. While I commend people for finding creative ways to connect with others, if we’re living in a world where jail is the only option to receive care as an older adult, the wheels are off the bus, the bus has careened over the side of a cliff, and nobody can reach the wreckage to save the survivors.
Is it any wonder that Arbore saw a need for The Friendship Line? To date, I’ve completed seven hours of online training as part of the volunteer onboarding process. Each training module is followed by a quiz to make sure I’m well-versed in relevant topics that affect older adults such as ageism, elder abuse, security, and HIPPA just to name. As you might imagine, a lot of the subject matter is heartbreaking and tough to process like the fact that older adults comprise 16.8% of the population and make up approximately 22% of suicides. 💔
The training ended with a videotaped lecture given by Dr. Patrick Arbore and I could see that he was as brilliant and mensch-y as I’d imagined. I’m using the past tense because, sadly, Dr. Arbore passed away in 2023 from cancer at age 75. Upon his death, he left behind an incredible legacy that has likely saved countless lives.
Click here to find out more about The Friendship Line.
OTHER WAYS I’M DISTRACTING MYSELF FROM THE HEIST IN D.C.
1)OGLING IRIS APFEL’S STUFF AND FANTASIZING ABOUT WEARING THIS COAT ⬇️
ICYMI: A bunch of Iris Apfel’s clothes and collectables are currently up for auction at Christie’s. Please believe that if I had tons of disposable cash, I’d be the Archie Karas of this auction, throwing Benjamins at everything and making off with all the loot. Alas, I do not have thousands of dollars to spend on a coat that I’m pretty sure would never fit me. Still, it’s fun to troll the site and watch other people upping the bids for a chance to own a piece of the legend’s life. The auction ends on the 13th in case any of you recently received a windfall and are in the market for brightly-colored baubles and natty threads. P.S., my birthday was February 3rd. 🤣
2) REWATCHING FUNNY WOMAN AS A REFRESHER FOR SEASON 2
I binged the first season of Funny Woman last year when Jared wasn’t around. Then I felt guilty because I knew he’d dig it. So, in anticipation of Season 2 (now airing on PBS) I rewatched season 1 with Jared. As expected, he loved it, exclaiming, “This show is so heartwarming.” Is it ever!
Based on the best-selling book I’d never heard of by Nick Hornby, Funny Woman begins in 1964 and follows the adventures of Barbara Parker—a young woman from the English seaside town of Blackpool. Raised by a single dad, Barbara grew up listening to comedy plays on the radio and decides to head to London to pursue a career as a comedic actress. Gemma Arterton shines in the lead role as Barbara aka Sophie Straw (stage name), and manages to portray the character with incredible vulnerability and style. Boy can Gemma rock a bouffant. The rest of the cast is excellent too, including Matthew Beard (Vienna Blood, Magpie Murders, Sam Spade and pretty much every show on BBC), Alexa Davies, Clare Hope-Ashitey, and Arsher Ali. Plus the soundtrack is packed with all the grooviest hits of the swingin’ 60s. Highly recommend.
Also, for my British murder mystery fans, I just started watching Murder in Provence on BritBox, starring Roger Allam aka D.I. Fred Thursday from Endeavour, and Nancy Carroll dressed in trés chic ensembles, as a mystery-solving English couple living in Provence. Not sure why the cast isn’t French, but it’s a very entertaining show.
3) DRAWING CLASS WITH ANDREW JAMES
I’ve been taking a Bold Lines and Clear Colors drawing class with Andrew James— the guy behind the jim-dandy Substack: Coffee In, Drawings Out. If you enjoy drawing, doodling, or sketching, subscribe to Andrew’s Substack, stat. His posts are always uplifting and full of great tips and drawing inspo. He also hosts a sketchbook club once a month on Zoom where subscribers can join and learn how to draw something cool like cars!
The Bold Lines and Clear Colors class has only been in session for a few weeks and yet I already feel as if I’ve learned a ton. What’s even more remarkable is the fact that I’m able to stay awake for a 90-minute class that starts at 11pm PST (!!). Andrew lives in New Zealand where it’s 8pm his time. To be honest, I’m pretty bleary-eyed by the time I log on to the Zoom. In a way though, I think the sheer exhaustion helps put a damper on my perfectionist tendencies and I’m too tired to care if I make mistakes. That’s definitely a bonus.
4) LA PEN PAL CLUB
A couple of weeks ago, I spent the day chatting, painting, and writing with the LA Pen Pal Club. It was the perfect activity to avoid the news, screens and misery. The LA Pen Pal Club (est. 2010) is held monthly at different stationary stores around LA. Folks can bring their own supplies to use, share, or swap, and there’s also free supplies provided to enjoy. Some of the attendees at the meet-up lived close enough to fire areas that they had to evacuate. My friend and I sat at the watercolor table. A sweet 9-year-old named Olive joined us while her mom perused the donated supplies. Olive said that her house was the only one left standing on her street, but it wasn’t safe to return because of the toxins. She drew a layer cake, tall and ornate and asked us for tips on color choices. When it was done, she borrowed a rubber stamp from me (a heart with an XO in the middle) and stamped the cake with it several times before announcing, “I’m going to give this to my mom!” I did the little water color of the paintbrushes pictured above as my part of my daily drawing challenge.
SEND A CARD TO AN OLDER ADULT FOR PALENTINE’S DAY!
My friend, Martine, creator of the wonderful Substack
, hipped me to this effort to encourage people to send a letter to an older adult or nominate an older adult to receive a letter. It’s hosted by a subset of the United Way in Pennsylvania. I love this idea as fun and feel-good activity for Palentine’s Day. Find out more here. Or, if you feel inspired, make a card out of paper and put in the post to brighten someone’s day. We all love receiving fun analog mail.Okay! That’s a wrap for today. Thanks for being here. Hope February brings a bit of joy your way too. xo H2
I love your suggestions for making a difference in elders' lives! I'm 82 and still contributing by writing on Substack and mentoring women around aging consciously, but I am looking for another way to help. I was an NLP Health Practitioner and also have psych training, so I have a knack for being a source of good energy for others in pain. I like the phone calls for lonely elders and may check it out after I've finished simplifying my life for what's to come next.
Oh, I LOVE the hummingbird AND Palentine's Day! This was the best post! Such a lift. Thank you. :)