“WHAT ARE YOU A NEANDERTHAL?” WHY, YES. YES, I AM.
Genetic discoveries and memory strengthening tips.
Yesterday, I put a bottle of Gingko Biloba vitamins in the fridge instead of back on the pantry shelf where I typically store them. The scary thing is, I don’t even remember doing this. So much for Ginkgo Biloba—a supplement meant to strengthen cognitive function—helping me keep it together. It was only later, when I saw the pills next to the oat milk, that I thought of something I’d read in the NYT about a new book on memory retention. The author said forgetfulness is normal, but if you find your keys in the fridge, you might be in trouble. Okay. Sure, it was a bottle of vitamins and not keys, but what if vitamins are just a gateway misplaced item? How long before I’m sticking my phone in the microwave? I’m shook, people. I don’t want my memory to go. I guess I still have a chance to course correct though. According to the neurologist who wrote the aforementioned book, Dr. Restak, memory decline is NOT inevitable as we age. My terrible sense of direction, however, is a different story.
TURN OFF YOUR GPS
To improve one’s memory, Restak suggests turning off your GPS to try get where you’re going without the aid of a computer. If I attempt this, my loved ones will need a divining rod or a tracking device to locate me when I fail to turn up at my destination. You see, I have the world’s worst sense of direction. It’s embarrassing, really. Before the advent of GPS, I’d be parked by the side of the road, desperately flipping through the pages of a Thomas Guide. Sometimes, there were tears. These days, whenever I attempt to take the freeway, using GPS, to visit my friend, Vanessa, I miss her exit. Every. Single. Time. I used to beat myself up about this, but recently, via 23andme, I discovered that this isn’t really my fault. I can now blame some very prehistoric relatives.
“WHAT ARE YOU A NEANDERTHAL?” WHY, YES. YES, I AM.
If I’m to believe what the geneticists at 23andMe tell me, I inherited my terrible sense of direction from my Neanderthal ancestors. My mother has always said I’m an “old soul,” but this brings new meaning to the expression. 23andMe claims that I have less than 2% Neanderthal DNA, but that’s still 72% more than other people on the site. And, as it turns out, my Neanderthal kin were pretty crap at figuring out how to get to and from the cave. Is it any wonder they went extinct? 23andMe identifies variants in genes that indicate certain behaviors based on research. These include things like whether a person is prone to getting hangry, is afraid of heights, prefers two to three cups of coffee instead of say, five, or whether you’re able to navigate your way home from the grocery store. Allegedly, I have two variants associated with “having a worse sense of direction.” This revelation has brought me a great sense of relief. So much so that I’m owning this Neanderthal thing. Because even if my cave-people relatives were bad at directions, they also pulled off a lot of impressive feats. They had “sophisticated” stone tools, knew how to create fire and made hearths in their caves, figured out how to stick stuff together using tar as an adhesive, boiled and roasted food, and used plants as medicine. Having lived almost exclusively in cities, I’ve always been certain that come the revolution, I will instantly perish. But who knows? Maybe my Neanderthal instincts will kick in and I’ll become the resident person who glues and sticks stuff together. I do have a lot of scotch tape around here.
PAY ATTENTION
Of course memory is still important and I clearly need to work on mine. Restak recommends paying better attention to things. “Inattention is the biggest cause for memory difficulties, ” he said. “It means you didn’t properly encode the memory.” I’m easily distracted, often in a hurry, and tend to do three things at once. This habit isn’t doing my memory any favors. The doc says to visualize a word to associate with a person’s name when you meet someone new. I did this recently with a neighbor named Justin, but instead of coming up with a visual aid, I made a mental note of Frank Sinatra singing, “Just in Time,” and now whenever I see this neighbor, I sing those lyrics in my head and I never forget his name. My other half, Jared, has been trying this too and came up with an Ali G impression, “Me Julie,” to remember a friend’s wife’s name. Every time we remember these people’s names, we feel like winners on a game show. It’s important to celebrate every success, regardless of how small.
There’s a lot more advice in that NYT article if you’re curious about how to try to stay with it. As for me, I plan to do less multitasking and hope to one day get off at the right freeway exit. As someone of Neanderthal descent, the odds seem pretty slim. But I’ve got my scotch tape and I’m ready to heed the call to stick stuff back together should the need arise.